This is not Matchmaking!

WHRY did you do this Valve? Why do you implement this new idea for PC games and then do such a shitty job. Yes, yes I know its not easy and there is probably more to it than I understand; but dear god… how hard is it to something like:

if ( server_full == true ) then try->again(); end

snapshot0002And if it is, then don’t make me have to go through the click process of searching for a game. I swear to god my biggest complaint about playing online, is the eleventy billion “Server Full” messages or “Human player limit reached (8/8)”. Well thanks for at least trying to give me something new to read with that latter message, but you know what? It still shouldn’t happen. It’s sad when I nearly ragequit before I even start playing!

The other problem with this so-called “matchmaking” process (if you can really call it that; moar like ragemaking) is the fact that both server operators and players get screwed. Its like a double wammy screw in both our buttholes, followed by a bukkake in our fucking face.

Here’s the problem:

Bob wants to play a normal game of verses. He finds a game in progress (lucky you Bob!) and within the first few minutes realizes something: the hunters do way more damage than they should and there are far more common zombies than normal. You know why Bob? You don’t? Well I’m here to tell you that you’re on a modded server. Some fucktard mcgee changed a bunch of convars around for the lulz-factor.

Now it’s Tyron’s turn. He’s been playing the game for a long time and wants a new challenge. Earlier today he was playing on a modded server and he really enjoyed it! The boomers had a shorter recharge time, most of the infected did far more damage, and the tank was real tough to kill. Well guess what Tyron: not only do you have a terrible fucking name, but you’re probably never going to find that server again! So no matter how much you try, you’re going to end up emo… so just go cry in the corner and cut yourself.

The server operators don’t get to have regulars, they don’t get any benefit from running the server other than a tiny banner in the scoreboard and a stupid MOTD that no one reads anyways. Where’s the name of the server? DO I REALLY NEED TO RUN SOME FORM OF THIRD PARTY APP JUST SO PEOPLE KNOW OUR WEBSITE? Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t even give us the ability to join our own fucking server! We have to use stupid fucking console command hacks to attempt to get there, and even that shit fails 80% of the time. No! I don’t want to click from the main menu! I want to start a lobby and have it join my server… is it really that hard to understand?

Valve you make great games, Left 4 Dead is a great game… you just wrapped up the online play in a wrapping known as styrofail. Please remove it. Give us server operators and gamers alike the ability to play where ever the fuck we want.